Steve Fee

I  just got done with Catalyst One Day, in Dallas, TX.  I got to hear from Andy Stanley and Craig Groschel for a full day, and it’s been amazing.  The conference got over at 5, and I don’t fly out until 9:45, so I decided to chill out at the church building rather than try to fight Dallas traffic.  I worked on some stuff for a while (including the previous post), and then talked to Manda (who’s at the BSU staff retreat).  THen I packed up my stuff, leaving it on the couch where I’d been sitting and went to say goodbye to Chad, my friend who works for Catalyst (and who invited me to the conference).

We chatted for a while, and when I returned for my stuff, a guy was laying on the couch with his feet up next to my bag (which was sitting on the edge of the couch).  I ran over and got my bag, apologizing for leaving it in his way.  He looked up and assured me it was no big deal, and that’s when I recognized our worship leader for the day.

Steve Fee.

(I think) I managed to suppress my geek-out and carry on a pretty normal conversation with him – about their summer tour schedule, his history with North Point, and vacation plans.  He was really gracious and cool, as were his bandmates who joined us.

At one point, I thanked him for his music.  I related how we brought back several of his songs to the BSU and they served as a catalyst for a lot of positive change in our musical worship, really encouraging us to think outside the box of what is normally acceptable.  He thanked me earnestly and told me that my words were encouraging to him, and with that I took off, braving the (less intense) Dallas traffic.

All in all, it was a great day.  I got to ask Andy Stanley a burning question, hang out with Chad and meet several other friends old and new.  Plus get to hang out with a songwriter I enjoy and admire.

An (Younger than me) Old Friend

Last night I flew into Dallas for the Catalyst One Day conference.  A friend of mine from undergrad saw I was coming in and got ahold of me, so we met up for (a very late) dinner.

Now this friend and I haven’t seen each other since 2003, but thanks to Interwebs, we have stayed in contact off-and-on.  A few months ago, she posted an honest, heartfelt note on Facebook, seeking to engage us in some dialogue about some issues within Christianity that have troubled her.  By the time I saw the note, quite a few persons had posted, including one individual who I’m sure was well-meaning, but whose posts were long and preachy, and which served to shut down discussion more than foster it.  My friend confessed to me that she deleted the note out of embarrassment.

Since I’d never had the chance to engage her post online, I brought it up last night over dinner, and we had a great conversation about her faith journey, doubts included.  I want to reflect for a moment on what she told me, and offer a couple of my thoughts.

She confessed that the picture of God that was most compelling to her right now is a god she can’t love.  That picture is the god of the New Calvinism, who predestines individuals either to salvation or damnation.  She told me that saw two pictures of God in the Bible – the vengeful, judgmental and capricious God who commands genocides and chooses our lives for us, then punishes us with eternal damnation for transgressions that are ultimately his responsibility, and the God who loves everyone, who gave up his life so that we might all be reunited with him.  Given these two pictures of God, my friend told me that she couldn’t accept that they were different gods, and that a God of love couldn’t be the God of judgment and ineffable choosing.  That a god who chooses to save some but not others doesn’t really love anyone, and – in her honest judgment – is not worthy of her own love.

We talked at great length about these pictures of God, and it’s not my purpose here to ask you for advice for her, or for you to ‘preach’ to her through my post.  Rather, I want to offer you a reflection on her experiences that have led her to this dilemma (as I am interpreting them)

What I find interesting in reflecting on my friend’s conundrum is that, ultimately, she rejected the God of Love rather than the cruel, capricious god.  In her mind (and I’m guessing probably subconsciously), she chose to believe that the texts that speak of a god of death and violence and irrational damnation are more true than the texts that speak of a self-giving, triune God.  She can’t accept texts that teach a God of Love because she finds the texts that speak of a god of violence more compelling.*  Why is this?  Why does she find the violent texts more compelling than the love texts?  Or, why didn’t she (probably subconsciously) accept the Love texts as the authoritative texts and have issues with the texts of violence?

I suggest (and forgive me, my friend, I have wronged you or misrepresented you), from conversation with my friend, that it’s because of the quality and character of those who claim to follow Jesus with whom she’s interacted of late.  In our conversation, many of her stories about her interactions with Christ-followers revealed them to be cold, distant and judgmental.  Much like the god she doesn’t find loveable in the Biblical texts.  I wonder, had most of the believers she’s met in recent years practiced the art of hospitality and generosity, if they had truly modeled the Jesus we meet in the Scriptures, if she would’ve gravitated towards the God of Love rather than the god of violence.  I wonder what her journey would look like.

In any case, I’m grateful that she’s still exploring, still listening to the Spirit within her who cries out to be known.  And I look forward to traveling a ways with her.

“Let the Peace of Christ rule in your hearts.”  Colossians 3:15

 

*I recognize that this is a conundrum many of us engage.  I know we all have ways to reconcile this.  I’m not interested in those right now; rather, I want to meet my friend on her journey and listen to her, to hear her.  I’d invite you to do the same.

Another Reason to Love the Ghetto

Tonight, I was driving home from Manda’s house.  I was sitting at a stoplight at a major cross-road.  I looked down across the block to the next stoplight.  Cars were stopped at it as well, coming my direction, so their headlights cast a faint glow across the street on which I would soon be driving.

And that’s when I saw a large human-shaped silhouette stumbling down the middle of the street between the two lights.  As the far light changed and the cars began to come toward me, I watched them swerve to avoid the figure, whom I could no longer see once their headlights were passed him.  But I was pretty sure I wasn’t hallucinating.

Finally, my light changed and I headed across the intersection.  As I got closer to the figure, I was able to make out a giant black man – probably 6’5” and 300 lbs. (mostly in his belly).

And he was almost complete naked.

All he had on was a black speedo-thong, and shoes and socks.  The reason he appeared to be staggering was that he had a pair of white athletic pants around his ankles, and was stagger-stepping in them.  His eyes were sort of rolled back in his head; he looked very zombie-esque.

I was pondering whether to call the cops when I got to the next light.  As I turned to go down to my apartment, I stopped to talk to the cop who was sitting in the intersection, searchlight poking into the night.  I rolled down my window and – when she had rolled hers down as well – called out, “Are you looking for the dude who’s not wearing pants?”

“Um… yes.”

“He’s back down that way,” I said, as I pointed back the way I’d come.

“Thanks.”  And she drove off.  And I went home.

Just another night in the ‘hood.  At least my downstairs neighbor wasn’t smoking pot when I got home.

A Sepulcher of Worship

There’s a building that used to house a church just down the street from my church building.  It was – for the first four years or so I worked here – a Church of God in Christ.  But a couple of years ago, it closed its doors.  Apparently they’d brought in a new pastor to try to spice things up, but he’d not been able to do enough and so they had to close their doors.

The building’s been vacant for the past couple of years, and several different organizations have considered purchasing it – from our church (to use as a youth building) to another church in town to various businesses.

Today when I drove by, I noticed that it’s been turned into a funeral chapel.  And I was immediately saddened.  Because  what should have been a source of life to a broken community (this building is even closer to the ‘hood than my church building) is now instead a place of death.

I’m reminded of Nietzsche’s parable of the Idiot.  In it, an insane man is running around the German countryside, entering into various worship gatherings.  He proclaims upon entering, “God is dead!  God is dead, and it is you who have killed him!”  He goes on to criticize the believers gathered there for having the trappings of faith but none of the reality.  For having made Christ superfluous for Christianity.  He concludes, “What are churches today but tombs and sepulchers for a dead God?”

And seeing that building become a place of death in a place of death – rather than a lifebring to the dead world – illustrated for me the truth of Nietzsche’s words and the end of that sort of empty worship.

Homeless Guys who weren’t Hungry

Today, as I was getting ready for my day, it occurred to me that I have very few places to interact with persons I don’t know.  So I took my laptop to Kaldi’s to work on my sermon for this coming Sunday.

At one point around lunch time, I had to go feed my parking meter, and two homeless guys stopped me.  They asked me for cash and – as I only had a few quarters – I told them I didn’t have any money, but that I would buy them lunch.

They refused.

Which made me sad, because I would’ve liked the chance to get to know them a little better.  But if you’re not hungry, you’re not hungry.

I’ve traditionally been a sucker for people begging on the street.  The bigger the sob story, the more I’ll give.  I’m learning to be more discerning, and to think of ways to meet at least immediate needs, far beyond just giving money. 

I’ll keep you updated on how that’s going.  Clearly, I’m having a rough start.

A Nationalistic Prayer Guide

Tonight, Emily and Ashley, presented me with a present.  They were visiting a church in Kirksville, and the produced for me a booklet called If My People…: A 40 Day Prayer Guide for Our Nation.  The cover features the title and an American Flag.  No Bible.  No Cross.  No Jesus.  These folks didn’t even try.

Each day features a Scripture and a prayer, and peppered throughout the book are excerpts from prayers or speeches by former Presidents who were all :: ahem :: Christian.  Some – like Reagan – I have no doubt were genuine (though I have some personal disagreements with his praxis), and some – like Lincoln – were pretty awesome believers that I greatly admire.

And then, they included Thomas Jefferson.  Now, at best, Jefferson was a Deist.  he even edited the Bible, taking out all references to the Supernatural and ‘correcting errors’ he decided the Gospel writers had made.  You can still purchase copies of the so-called Jefferson Bible (here for just $10.00 hardback!).

And this is my problem with the Religious Right.  They’ve mythologized our origins, baptizing everyone who lived then as some sort of giant superhero believers, when most of them (and certainly the most influential of them, like Jefferson and Franklin) were not what any Evangelical would recognize today as a Christian.

The Right has appropriated history, remythologized it and bent it to serve their own religio-political agenda.  And that’s sad.  Because I’m pretty sure Jesus said, “You will know the Truth, and the Truth will set you free.”

It’s time for us as a nation to start being honest about our history and quit idealizing it as some sort of Golden Age.  It’s not.  And that’s okay.  Let’s learn our lessons and grow.

Jesus H. Obama

As I was surfing around on Facebook, I came across the group “Repeal the 22nd Amendment” (which is the whole ‘president can only serve two terms’ thingy), complete with this picture:

A UNICORN?!  Really?  And is he walking on water?!

Now, this picture appears to be premised on the idea that all black people look the same, given that He doesn’t look a whole heck of a lot like Obama.  And the more I looked into the group, the less I was sure it wasn’t satirical (though clearly many of the commenters didn’t get that).

But in any case, I’m sure that not even Bush got this much hype, and he had wide-spread Evangelical backing.   I’m frankly shocked at how Messianic a lot of Americans have made Obama; many people have pointed out that he’s almost certain not to live up to the entirely unrealistic hype.  I mean expectations.  Excuse me. 

In any case, I think he’s doing a pretty good job of just ignoring the whole thing.  We’ll see if that can last, and if he can do some good.

Maybe if he does, then we can elect him Messiah after his 2 terms so we don’t have to bother repealing that silly amendment.  Who’s with me?

Manda’s Real Life Talk

So Stormie asked Manda to speak at the first Real Life (our ministry’s Thursday night worship gathering) of the semester.  If you know Manda, you know that this made her horribly nervous (and if you don’t know her, know that this made her horribly nervous).

The first series is on healthy relationships, and she introduced it.  She talked about the importance of relationships, and the fact that not only are relationships inevitable in our lives, but that they’re a good thing.

She used the Trinity as her model, and argued that because God is communal in nature, we too were created to be – that when we live in relationship with other people, we’re at our best.

She offered us some good challenges, and I think in response, I’m going to renew my commitment to meet two new persons each week at Real Life.  Maybe I’ll start doing the same thing at Parkade on Sunday mornings as well.

We’ll see what happens.  In the words of the wise Tobias Funke, “Let the great experiment begin!”

My New Dry Cleaner

Today, on my way to work, I decided to drop off several items of clothing I had been needing to get drycleaned.  I had been going to a place a mile or so from my old place, but since I moved into the ‘hood (as I affectionately refer to it), I have made a commitment to patronize local businesses – even if they’re more expensive – so that I can develop some good relationships within my community.

With that in mind, I stopped at Mamma Bessie’s Cleaners, which is not quite 1/2 mile up the street from my new place.  I went in and even before I could get all the way in the door, the woman who worked there called out to me,

“Can I help you?”  I noted that I had brought an armful of clothes.

“You been here before?”  I noted that I had not.  With this, she smiled and stuck out her hand.

“Well pleased to meet you.  I’m Margery.  Welcome!  I’ll take all the business I can get at the start of a new year!”

As I entered and shook her hand, I noted that on a chair by the door was a small TV, tuned to the Inauguration.  We made small talk for a while, and she told me about her family, and that she’s been in the dry-cleaning business since she was 16 (she’s now 53 by her own admission).

We talked about the inauguration and what an exciting day it is.  She boasted, “My grandma always said, ‘You watch!  One of these days, we’re going to have us a black man as the president!’  We all thought she was crazy, but just the other day, we all remembered how she said that and thought ‘Grandma’s probably spinnin’ in her grave with joy right now!’”

She told me about how her kids and grandkid (some of whom are the same age as my students) didn’t think Obama’s election was that interesting, and that led us into a discussion of the changing of the times.  I mentioned that it was sort of cool that our culture has progressed far enough that black teens don’t think it’s unusual for a black man to be elected president.

Of course on one level that’s sad – we should all remember where we’ve come from, and the terrible atrocities that we’ve perpetrated in our country in the name of race.  But, it’s nice to see evidence that some of those hurdles have been overcome.  And I think President Obama’s election is a sign that some great things are happening.  I’m glad I’m alive to see it.  And I’m hopeful for the future.

She’s a great lady, my new dry cleaner.  I’m anxious to develop a good relationship with her.

Jay Leno

This morning at WAY too early (5:45 am), Scot, Manda and I got up so we could make it to Burbank (the city) by 7:00 am so we could stand in line for tickets to the Tonight Show.  We were numbers 2-4 in line, so we got the tickets and set off to tour Hollywood and downtown LA.  We ate at another Mel’s for brunch and then drove around.  We hit the Chinese Theater and a mall in Hollywood where I picked up a fedora (this proved to come in handy later).

We drove back to Burbank and got in line at 1:15 pm; we were already about 30 persons back at this point.  They opened the doors at 3:00 pm and we got seats on the floor.  About 30 minutes before we filmed, Jay himself came out in jeans and a shirt.  He gave us a spiel about how the show would go down – it’s a ‘live taping’, which means that the whole thing lasts exactly an hour, all the mistakes stay in and as soon as it’s over (taped from 4-5 pm Cali time), it’s beamed to New York, where it’s aired at 11:30 pm EST.  Then he took questions and let people come up on stage to take pictures with him (from a polaroid in the studio, since all cell phones and cameras were disallowed).  We were almost out of time when he asked for one more person.  I shot my hand up and – among the others around us – he called out, “You, sir, in the hat.”

Manda and I jumped up and made our way to the stage.  On the way up, he asked where we were from, and I told him, “Missouri” (I had promised Manda she wouldn’t have to speak from the stage).  He then asked what we did and I told him that we were both campus ministers.

“Ministers?!” he exclaimed, “I was going to make fun of your goofy hat, but now I guess I can’t.”  He then motioned for the photographer and told Manda to get in the middle because “You’re a cutie.”  We snapped the picture, both shook his hand and he told us, “God bless you” as we made our way back to our seats.

Scot got up and did some stand-up shortly after that, during the ‘Audience Got Talent’ portion of the preshow.

Then it was time for the show to start, and it was a lot of fun to watch.  One of my students told me he thought he could hear me ‘Woot Woot’ a couple of times during the show.

So, to review, Jay Leno made fun of my hat, hit on my fiancee and blessed me.  All within about a minute.  And here’s the proof:

He’s right, you know.  She is really cute.

What a fun day!  If you check it out on Hulu, you can just barely make us out right at the beginning.  Watch for the goofy brown fedora.