Another Reason to Love the Ghetto

Tonight, I was driving home from Manda’s house.  I was sitting at a stoplight at a major cross-road.  I looked down across the block to the next stoplight.  Cars were stopped at it as well, coming my direction, so their headlights cast a faint glow across the street on which I would soon be driving.

And that’s when I saw a large human-shaped silhouette stumbling down the middle of the street between the two lights.  As the far light changed and the cars began to come toward me, I watched them swerve to avoid the figure, whom I could no longer see once their headlights were passed him.  But I was pretty sure I wasn’t hallucinating.

Finally, my light changed and I headed across the intersection.  As I got closer to the figure, I was able to make out a giant black man – probably 6’5” and 300 lbs. (mostly in his belly).

And he was almost complete naked.

All he had on was a black speedo-thong, and shoes and socks.  The reason he appeared to be staggering was that he had a pair of white athletic pants around his ankles, and was stagger-stepping in them.  His eyes were sort of rolled back in his head; he looked very zombie-esque.

I was pondering whether to call the cops when I got to the next light.  As I turned to go down to my apartment, I stopped to talk to the cop who was sitting in the intersection, searchlight poking into the night.  I rolled down my window and – when she had rolled hers down as well – called out, “Are you looking for the dude who’s not wearing pants?”

“Um… yes.”

“He’s back down that way,” I said, as I pointed back the way I’d come.

“Thanks.”  And she drove off.  And I went home.

Just another night in the ‘hood.  At least my downstairs neighbor wasn’t smoking pot when I got home.